Mowgli’s Guide To Making Friends

First up, please don’t start making assumptions about me based on the very lame title to this post. I am not a friendless loner or anything, but I’ve just started a new school. So, let the list begin…

1. It’s important that when you repeat an offensive racist joke you just heard someone say to someone else (to illustrate how much you are repulsed by the person who told it), make sure that
a) the person you are talking to is not BEST FRIENDS with the boy who told the joke and
b) that you don’t say it too loudly because people could overhear what you are saying out of context and genuinely believe that it is you making the racist joke.

2. Now, this next one is unbelievable but actually did happen to me my third day at this new school. We were doing a debate in Philosophy class and my class was split half and half standing either side of the room. I was leaning against a desk with my index finger on my lip and my ankles crossed. After about ten minutes or so, the teacher calls time and tells us to go back to our seats. Only I find that MY LEGS ARE STUCK TOGETHER. As in, I can’t move them. I freeze. I’m blushing, I’m totally out of my depth. People are staring. I have to physically pull my legs apart, to find white globs of stringy chewing gum hanging like a bridge just below my knees. Learn from my mistake of leaning against a desk a student had accessorized with Wrigleys and saliva and MAKE SURE THIS DOESN’T HAPPEN TO YOU.

3. I got my hair caught on a disassembled fire alarm.

4. I was getting off the train in a rush because if I don’t power walk to school I’ll be late and get a notice, when, digging in my bag for my season ticket, I realized I’D LEFT IT AT HOME. So without it they genuinely wouldn’t let me out of the station until I’d paid a frickin’ twenty pound fare. Causing me to stumble red, sweaty and out of breath into my form class forty minutes later, making a great first impression in the process…

I hope these cautionary tales have inspired you to act cool and collected. Remember, have more than you show and speak less than you know.

Yours, Mowgli xxx

p.s. the list format is back with a vengeance!

Mowgli’s Guide To A Comeback

So… a VERY long time after my last post, I have returned to my beloved but side-lined blog. A quick overview of the last year:

1. I am still in love with the same boy I’ve been in love with since I was thirteen and he has no idea. I know they say there’s always going to be that one person you can’t get out of your head, but when it happens it’s actually really annoying. I hope that we’ll meet again when we’re both older and things will work out then.

2. I commute for two hours every day out of Harlow to a sixth form in Cambridge. I guess I got what I wanted – good grades, a scholarship, getting into a great school. I started on the 2nd of September and so far I’ve made one friend. People are friendly on the whole but everybody’s already in really tight friendship groups. I’m actually really lonely there, which just shows how badly things can turn out even if you’ve planned them. Maybe the best things really do happen by accident?

3. I turned sixteen and suddenly got pretty? Well not like amazing or anything but 2011 me would think 2014 me was hot and that’s all that matters. Things were bad for a while (I call 2009-2012 ‘The Lost Years’) but they’ve picked up, and I’ve actually done some cool things in my life so far.

4. I’ve met some amazing people. I met this man on top of a mountain in a really remote part of Australia, and he lived in this shack and he wasn’t connected to the mains or anything and he was a recluse. Meeting him actually had a profound effect on me, because I realised that no matter how many TOWIE cast members there are, people like him, real, true people like him still exist in the world. You just have to know where to look.

5. I’ve been through some heavy stuff, but I guess we all have at some point in our lives (if you haven’t yet – it’s coming. Be prepared!!). I reckon you just reach a point when you feel secure enough with the present to start dealing with what’s happened to you, remembering it all, sorting through it, making peace with the past. It’s only when you’ve made peace with the person you used to be that you can fully say goodbye to her and move on.
Wow. That all just got a bit Eat, Pray, Love at theĀ end there, didn’t it?

6. Nothing last forever. Things can change but you have to move in the right direction for that to happen. Put down that doughnut!! Read some Plato!!

Coolios. Now I’ve got you up to speed (I’ve probably missed some important stuff but I’ll add it later) I can move on with dropping some sick blog posts.

Yours, Mowgli xxx

No Way

Questions asked by my classmates over the last two weeks (and one asked by me…):

1. What is Ground Zero? (after having watched a four-hour documentary on Ground Zero)

2. Who is the media?

3. Is wardrobe the American word for cupboard?

4. Are the Twin Towers still there? (after learning about 9/11)

5. Did you know that up until last year I’d thought that ‘chimney’ was pronounced ‘chinney’?

Okay. You can probably guess. I said that last one…

Mowgli’s Guide To Life

I’m at that stage where I’ve got to have a plan. It’s no longer any good to wander aimlessly from classroom to classroom in the same building you’ve been in for a decade. It’s the time to make choices. Do I want to be a writer drop-out? Do I want to be a poet living in a garret? Do I want to be a barrister? A lecturer? A political journalist? I don’t know. I do know that I want to travel to the Aokigahara Forest in Japan, and see the Earth from Space. I want to fall in love and get drunk and dance. I want to write novels and read poetry and go on a road trip. There’s going to be a time later to decide what I want to be. Right now I want to have fun, and there’s nothing wrong with that.